I confess to being a bit trepidatous about posting again for fear of what might come if I actually started speaking the thoughts in my head. Maybe the dirty secret of caregiving is how uncaring you feel after awhile. There comes to be a point of numbness.  Yeat's said "too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart" this is the dirty secrete of caregiving. The simultaneous feeling of deep passionate sadness and the coldness that comes when you have felt too much pain for too long.

But that isn't what I came here to say tonight! No I came here to say I went to see a play tonight and spent two hours laughing and it was marvelous. I saw an elementary school production of Oliver. A old coworkers daughter was in it. It was fabulously awful. About 30 eight to fourteen year olds stumbled their way through. You could see the devas and dodger stole the show. The program, which was printed like a real playbill will bring me hours of enjoyment. Afterwords the children were filled with excitement so much so that you couldn't help remembering that moment in your life. They gave autographs in awkward handwriting of a newly learned hands. It was perhaps the most fun I have had in two months. I am thinking of only seeing elementary school productions from now on. I laugh for two hours for 10 bucks that's cheaper then a movie in New York City.

I haven't written in a really long time. I can actually make no real promises that I will keep it up this time. I stopped writing for a few reasons 1) I took a big plunge and started grad school part time while working full time (if you have ever wondered what it feels like to tight rope walk but are afraid of heights this is a close approximation). 2) I realized that I was writing my blog for my wonderful adopted grandmother who passed away and it felt strange to continue without her. Or at least I thought that was why I did it. I think there is more to it than that. I think it also helped me feel a bit in control by allowing me to document my life.
I have always been on the fence about whether I am an academic or artist at heart. And for some reason I can't really be both. Actually I don't think of my self as an artist at all, more a craftsman born in the wrong time.
Life has been crazy and a bit sucky lately. I had to make a tough decision to take a leave of absence from school so I could be there for my family. This has been the major theme of my adult life and I feel a bit lost to still feel trapped in my family role. I find myself spending a lot of time wondering how it is ever really possible to become the person you want to in this day and age and negotiate aging and sick parents. I am young to deal with it...although not as young as I was at the beginning of this journey 18 years ago.
Taking a leave of absence was painful and hard. I feel as if I am putting my life on hold one more time yet I feel a bit like I am running out of time. Strangely I feel too old and too young for all of it.
But not being in school this term has also been a relief. In some insomnia driven haze I realized that not being in school meant I could make more things. I could let that part of myself back out. Tonight I sewed a new binding on my coat. It made me smile. It made me want to share. And so I thought I would come back here and share for any that are still listening or maybe just to hear my voice not get lost.

My Weekend

A Couple Sweater and such

A little bit of this and that.

I finished this lovely sweater by the Brown Stitch (you can find the pattern here) just in time for New York City to hit the high 90’s. I had to wait for it to cool down a bit so that I could bear to put it on for the picture.

I also made this little guy for a friend’s newborn, my gauge was a bit on the small size so it is a good thing it went in the mail on Friday.

And because I couldn’t not share this ridiculousness…

Only in NYC do you get a guy selling drift wood on the sidewalk. $50 to $100 bucks a pop, makes me think I am in the wrong business. Of course I didn’t see anyone actually buy anything.

Mango, Onion and Apple Salad with Lime Dressing, oh my!

Did you all have a lovely long memorial day weekend…wait let me revise…did everyone in the US have a nice long weekend? We had a bit of a super sized weekend with my guy actually taking Friday off as well, four days off in a row, together- unheard of.


It was also my guys post birthday weekend. And because he loves nothing more than cooking things over open fire we had several BBQs, in fact there were 3 in total, although one was at his mother’s house so we didn’t actually cook.

For one of the many events I made a mango/apple/onion salad with a lovely lime sauce. It was simple and almost like eating summer. I thought you might like to try it so here is what I did:

1 medium sized red onion sliced thin

3 mangos cut into match in long strips (this is a bit tricky and a little easier if the mango isn’t super ripe)

1 grannysmith apple cut in long strips

For the lime dressing whisk together the juice of 2 limes, ¼ cup of olive oil, 2 tbsp white vinegar, a pinch of salt- and because my limes were a bit on the very tart side 1tsp sugar (you could use maple syrup or agave or even apple juice)

Toss everything together and chill in the fridge until you are ready to eat- the lime juice will keep the apples from browning. I think I might try it again adding nuts, just a thought.

a wee sweater for a wee girl

It has been a heck of a few months. Both my guy and I lost grandmothers, we had a birth in the family (more on this), a whole bunch of family drama unrelated to the passing and coming of folks and because I think I may be crazy I decided to apply to a graduate school program. It has been a few months of complete chaos. The kind of chaos where you can barely manage to get yourself out the door in the morning and you find you need to check that you are wearing shoes if you do.
So in the middle of all of this chaos we had a wee one enter with a big splash. I was prepared for her arrival and made this in advance.

But she had to come early, really early. My guy’s cousin was induced 2 months early because of complications. I am happy to report that baby and mama are doing well. The little one is the smallest little one I have ever met just over 3 lbs when she came into the world. I felt like she needed all the extra love she could get which means a wee so small you can’t believe this isn’t for a teddy bear sweater and hat. Maybe the only good thing I can say about someone being so wee is that you can actually worry knit an entire sweater in a day.

I have to give heaps of complements now to Bev of Bev’s Country Cottage who has a whole bunch of patterns for premies of all sizes. Thank you Bev for providing such an important service!

T.T.T.B. (to tired to blog)

Sorry to be missing in action, we had a bit sadness in our lives and have been sticking close to family lately which has made me T.T.T.B., otherwise known as to tired to blog syndrome. Plus my wee nephew did his best to give me his not so wee cold. How can someone so small be packed with something so contagious?
I have things to share, but most of them involve downloading photos, which involves me being awake when I get home at night. Rather than have us all collectively hold our breath for that moment I thought I would pass on this greatness that I came across awhile back.

Did you know that Lego has a whole line of architecturally inspired kits? I always knew Lego's were cool but Lego Frank Lloyd Wright- how cool is that!